Christmas Wishes

I have a thousand things to do before Christmas Eve, but instead of doing them, I am sitting by the window, watching the rain. This was going to be a stress-free holiday season, my first as a retiree; but Christmas is a busy and emotionally-loaded time of year for everyone, regardless of their situations, I think. Listening to rain always gives me a feeling of relief and release. It calms me.

Tom and I delivered baskets, gifts, and quilts to seniors today. In the past, my Christmas charitable activities had been limited to writing checks, and I looked forward to this more hands-on experience. This is going to be my life from now on; getting out there and trying to find meaning for living, rather than working all the time to earn a living. Only trouble is, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to completely make sense of it all.

I get satisfaction out of letting lonely seniors know that someone cares, but feel sad that so many people end their lives in that circumstance and wonder if I will, too. I feel happy when I reconnect with my aunts and uncles at Christmas time, but feel sad that so many of them are now gone or are declining physically. I enjoy selecting gifts for friends and family members, but stress out on whether my selections will be appropriate or inadvertently convey the wrong message, and I still feel a little bit conflicted about the materialistic aspect of it all.

In the end, though, I look forward to Christmas. I enjoy the lights and the decorations and the food and the parties, and most of all that collective feeling of sincere good-will that I think is the true cultural meaning of this holiday.

I wish a wonderful Christmas holiday to all my family and friends.